How many times have I said that to myself or had other busy mum’s say it to me? Too many times to count. This year I decided that I needed to stop saying that to myself about ME. If I’m not going to make time for ME, who am I going to make time for?
What is making time? We all go along to courses, events and you hear, Self-care, make time to self-care but what is that really? Firstly it more than taking whole blocks of time and going on retreat or coffee with friends, though those things are wonderful and we do need them.
Its more than that. It is finding moments in a day to breath, stop, daydream, feel, see and be heard. Its saying No or please wait. Saying halt to being interrupted by someone looking for you to do something for them, while sitting down for 5 minutes to drink a cup of tea. It’s taking 5 minutes to stand outside in the sun just to feel its rays and feel alive. Its being heard when you have something to say. It’s been seen when you are at a low point or when you have done well. It’s acknowledgement that you work hard, that life is hard some days. Its acknowledgement that your human and make mistakes and it’s okay.
Kate Seselja from the Hope Project once told me, for her it was getting up an hour earlier each day to have her time. Time to Be.
For me, it has been about deepening my faith journey and challenging myself to step into new things. It has also been about making sure I connect well, each day with my partner. Some days that’s not hard but others, well life gets in the way and the only conversation had that day is about a grumpy child and their quest to torture us as parents. Lol. I keep reminding myself that I am a woman with needs and connect with my beautiful man and hearing his tender words to me, is important.
Its examining my relationships and how I conduct each one. Some are old connections comfy and true. Some are new and emerging. My business partner often asks, “Are you looking after you?” and I often go, “Yes I am” but actually sometimes I’m not. She also said not to put more into more work into a client than they were prepared to put into themselves. Urggg that’s a hard one for me.
Recently while talking to a group of mum’s, I noticed that even though they are taking time to connect with others the share task of co-ordinating getting out the door with kids in toe and then wrangling them while in a busy coffee shop left them exhausted and finding reasons to not go again. It’s just to hard. So I suggested, self-care sharing.
Each mum has each others kids so that the childless mum can go and connect with a friend or family member and have a meaningful conversation 1 to 1 distraction free or a coffee date with themselves and enjoy the experience. It doesn’t need to be hard work or often just once in a while. We ask for help if its for IMPORTANT things like appointments etc but self-care is the most important thing. Without it, you can not give back. You run on empty. If we are to teach our children self-care, we must first model it well.
And to show I’m human too – I have two weekends child free and with glee thought of all the things I could do that would make me feel caught up on me. Instead, I have moved furniture (1 day gone) for one child, did an in-house training day with a colleague (2 days gone), Held a Tupperware party and painted a back drop for church ( 3 days gone but this one was sort of for me) and have one day left to hopefully re-organise my sewing/ craft room so I can do things I love and relax me. AND today while taking a sick day, I’m writing this blog and updating company HR paperwork. I’M HUMAN TOO and life is a challenge but I love my life and Yes I do know when to say No or enough. I just have to do it more often.